Kwik Team

One of the ten keys to good brain health is killing ANTS—Automatic Negative Thoughts. We’ve talked before about some tactics you can use to recognize and change your thoughts in a positive light. These principles are grounded in the work of Albert Ellis, a pivotal figure in the development of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And to keep it simple, the framework he designed is as easy as ABC.

What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a therapeutic framework grounded in the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Unlike traditional therapeutic approaches, CBT focuses on the present. It explores how your thought patterns influence your emotional responses and actions. At its core, CBT operates on the belief that changing your thoughts can transform your emotional well-being through changed behavior.

As we mentioned, one of the early pioneers of this therapy was Albert Ellis. He became a trailblazer in this form of treatment by challenging the popular and conventional psychoanalytic methods of the time. His groundbreaking theories introduced a structured way of understanding the interplay between external events, your beliefs, and the resulting emotional and behavioral consequences.

The ABC Model

The ABC model stands for Activating events, Beliefs, and Consequences. Ellis argued it’s not the events themselves shaping your emotional responses but rather the beliefs you hold about those events. By identifying and challenging these beliefs, you can interrupt negative thinking patterns and rewire your brain for positive emotional outcomes.

In essence, Ellis’s theories highlight the dynamic nature of your cognitive processes and emphasize the power you hold in shaping your own psychological responses. He encouraged a proactive and rational approach to mental well-being by promoting the idea that you are capable of changing your thought patterns. In doing so, you will enjoy healthier and happier emotional experiences and behaviors.

A: Activating Events

The first element is learning to recognize the activating event. You can’t change a negative thought until you realize you’re having them. According to research, as much as 95% of your brain activity is unconscious. That means you may be having thoughts that lead to emotional reactions that you’re not aware of. By taking the time to learn how to recognize those thoughts, you’re taking the first step in removing the power they have over you.

This step might seem straightforward, but it does require some time and practice. As mentioned, it’s difficult to recognize a thought you’re not consciously aware you’re having. A good place to start is to identify areas of your life where you typically are left with negative emotions. Keep a notebook with you and when you start to feel angry, sad, or uncertain, take a moment to think about what is happening in the situation and what your response is. If this feels overwhelming, there are many trained clinicians and therapists who can help guide you through this process.

B — Beliefs

Once you’ve identified what situations are triggering your negative thoughts, you can dig a little deeper into where those thoughts are coming from. These are your internal beliefs, or the LIEs you tell yourself. Maybe you feel like if you make a mistake that means you’re not good enough or don’t deserve to be happy. It isn’t the mistake that triggers that feeling but the belief you hold about the mistake. Learning how to understand and challenge these beliefs is a crucial element in transforming your cognitive landscape.

There are two steps to overcoming your beliefs. The first is to create a positive affirmation to replace the negative belief. If your LIE is “I’m not good enough”, you could replace it with, “I work very hard”, or “Mistakes don’t determine my worth”. Every time you recognize the LIE, you sit with the positive affirmation repeating it either out loud, in writing, or silently to yourself. This helps train your brain to begin embracing the new thought.

This takes time, and in the beginning, it might feel strange or awkward. You might even find resistance in even saying the thought. But that’s why this step is so important. The more you repeat the new affirmation, the easier it becomes to accept it as truth. Remember, you weren’t born with these negative beliefs, they were learned. Which means you can teach yourself these new replacements.

The second step is to gradually begin exploring yourself to more challenging situations. If you’re learning to overcome mistakes, you’re going to want to get out of your comfort zone and engage in activities where you’re going to make mistakes. Each time you encounter a mistake, you take the time to recognize the mistake and replace your negative thoughts with your new positive affirmation. Over time, you’ll find that you’re able to make more mistakes and your confidence in your abilities will grow as you face new challenges.

C — Consequences

The third and final step is understanding the consequences. This is tackling the emotional and behavioral outcomes of your beliefs. Essentially, this is drilling down into the why of your negative beliefs. It sounds a little daunting, but this is less about needing to confront the past and more about looking into your future.

When you hold only limiting or negative beliefs, it often leads to undesirable consequences. This might manifest as stress, anxiety, or self-sabotaging behaviors. You might put yourself out there less at work or in your personal life, or find that you avoid certain situations altogether. As long as you hold onto these beliefs and allow these thoughts to take hold, these consequences will continue to emerge.

You can tackle this element in the same way you’re tackling your LIEs. Recognize the current consequences and project a new, positive consequence. For example, if you’re avoiding making a mistake, this may have kept you from learning to play a musical instrument. A new consequence would be enjoying playing music on your own. Consequences are neither good or bad, and you are in control of both.

Conclusion

At its core, the ABCs of changing your thoughts is simply an easy-to-remember roadmap. When you recognize your thoughts, reframe your beliefs, and understand the potential consequences, you’re taking control of your emotional outcomes. You will no longer avoid situations or feel powerless to your reactions. In turn, you’ll develop a more positive and resilient mindset that will lead you to a truly limitless life.

To learn more about how to transform negative thoughts, check out this video:

You already know setting goals helps you move forward in your life to achieve more. In fact, goal-setting can be one of the most powerful tools you have when it comes to changing habits and shaping your life. They can help you focus on what’s important, find motivation to do the hard things, help you overcome obstacles and difficulties, and even make things you once thought out of reach become attainable.

But goals do more than help you make things happen. They help shift your perspective on what you believe is possible. That happens because goals can actually restructure your brain, creating new neural pathways that allow it to work more efficiently. Those changes focus your energy on reaching your goal, which then turns these new behaviors into habits. Here’s a closer look at the neurology of goal-setting and how you can use it to work for you.

A Deeper Look at the Brain

In the same way your skin heals from cuts or scrapes, your brain has the power to restructure itself. This process is called neuroplasticity. It allows your brain to reorganize synaptic pathways after a brain injury, such as a stroke. But it also helps your brain adapt and change your behavior in response to new information.

This process is incredibly effective when it comes to goal setting because your brain loves direction. Goals give your brain a purpose. Once it knows you have a focus, it will actively seek out information in your environment to support that focus. This in turn creates new neural pathways as you change your behaviors in order to achieve your goals.

You can see the power of neuroplasticity in a study of multiple sclerosis patients done at the University of Texas. Researchers found that patients who set aggressive goals regarding their health and wellness, had fewer and less severe symptoms. Focusing on their goals healed their brain.

The Importance of Meaning

Setting a goal is only one piece of the process. Research shows that the more a goal means to you, the more likely you are to achieve it. This is because your brain routes a lot of information through your amygdala. There it evaluates and determines the level of emotional significance to events. It then loops that information to your frontal lobes for higher-level cognitive processing. That means having goals rooted in meaning will always get a boost in importance.

It might feel like some goals are set because we have to, not because we want to. You can see the motivation difference in terms of similar goals. Saving money to pay off debt can feel far different than saving for a dream vacation. Though debt is stressful, imagining yourself on vacation has a much larger emotional significance attached. That alone gives it much higher priority in your brain.

The trick is to attach emotional significance to your goal. Paying off debt may not be as motivating as a vacation, but if you pay off your debt so you can go on vacation, you’ve elevated the emotional attachment. Every time you make a payment, say no to the add-ons while shopping, or otherwise restrict your spending, you can picture yourself debt-free AND on vacation. Your motivation will naturally increase. But more importantly, your brain will also work harder to minimize obstacles and difficulties. The more your goal means to you, the more likely you’ll find ways to achieve it.

Finding the Rewards

As mentioned above, a lot of goal-setting comes down to the amygdala and the frontal lobe. It’s combining logic—SMART goals—with emotion—HEART goals. That creates to powerful driver known as motivation. But there is a third aspect of your brain that guarantees goal success: your rewards system.

Your brain is designed to reinforce behavior by releasing the neurochemical dopamine whenever you engage in activities that keep you alive. Eating food, drinking water, even falling in love, as you’re more likely to survive when you build relationships. But this reward system is also tied to learning. When you learn something new, your brain rewards you with a dopamine surge that boosts your mood and makes you feel happy. Because dopamine is so potent, your brain craves more of it, creating motivation for you to seek more.

This process is known as the reward loop and you can use it to create habits. Once you’ve attached emotional significance to your goal, you can use the reward system to break them down into smaller steps. Your frontal lobe is designed to evaluate and assess the logistical breakdown of your goals, which will allow you to visualize and plan each minor goal within your larger one. Each step should have a defined measure for success and a specific way we want to celebrate that success. These external rewards will activate your internal reward system, giving you even more motivation to continue to the next step.

Conclusion

No matter what your goals are, your brain is hardwired to help you achieve them. By understanding the power of neuroplasticity, finding a way to connect emotion to logic, and creating a system of external and internal rewards, you can overcome any and all obstacles for whatever goal we strive towards.

If you want to learn more about how the reward system drives your behavior, watch this video:

Setting goals can be overwhelming. Your to-do, to-be, to-study lists are miles long, and everything feels like an urgent priority. And while it’s important to find your purpose, map out your SMART goals, and give them HEART, there’s one final tool you need to help you find your true North to achieve your goals: your compass.

When it comes to making day-to-day progress, it can be easy to get lost. You get busy, last minute tasks are dumped on your plate, and stress in general can drain your energy and motivation. But when you have a compass, it’s easier to stay on track. Whenever you feel stuck or need to figure out how to move forward, you can use these reminders as a framework to stay on your path and find your True NORTH.

N— Nourish

The first step to staying on track is ensuring you feed you body and brain. This isn’t just about good nutrition, though that is important. It’s also about making sure you take time to refill your cup so you have the mental energy and cognitive resources to achieve your goals.

For physical nourishment, you want to focus on eating a brain-healthy diet, staying hydrated, and getting plenty of exercise. Wherever possible, try to get plenty of natural sunlight by spending some time outdoors. Nature is a great place to recenter yourself and find spiritual nourishment at the same time.

In addition to taking care of your physical self, schedule time for rest and recovery. Part of this is working on getting quality sleep every night, but this is also about finding downtime during the day. Journaling, meditation, deep breathing, and spending time doing the things you truly love with the people you love are all essential to maintaining your path and finding the momentum to move forward.

O — Ownership

It might seem like setting a goal and working towards it is already taking ownership of your destiny, but this is a mindset that takes focus and practice. Every day you want to sit down and review your day. Look at what you succeeded at, but if you didn’t make as much progress as you wanted, it’s important to not just look at why, but own it.

Maybe you didn’t work on a project because traffic was bad or a call took too long. It can be easy to blame those things, but taking ownership means finding ways to accept personal responsibility for those obstacles. You can’t control traffic, but you can control when you leave for an appointment or how much time you gave yourself for that particular task when you sat down to plan your day.

Being realistic with your time will ensure that you’re able to realistically plan your tasks so that you aren’t overwhelmed, or worse, fall behind and end up frustrated that you’re not making progress on your scheduled timeline. Whenever possible, take ownership of your setbacks, obstacles, and failures because it’s only in looking at the things you can control that you will be able to find your clear path forward.

R — Resilience

Speaking of obstacles and setbacks, you have to know that they’re going to happen. No matter how much you plan or how hard you work, you’re going to hit roadblocks, challenges, and sometimes, even failures. But embracing that adversity will actually help you move past them faster and stronger.

One way to build resiliency is to change your mindset around progress and momentum. There is no one right way to succeed, and a failure in one area might lead to opportunities somewhere else. But you can only see those opportunities if you embrace the unknown and are able to bounce back from curveballs.

You can practice resilience by evaluating your challenges through the lens of finding a path forward. Never look your goals as a straight line. You’re going to need to be aware of possible detours, closed roads, and u-turns. Sometimes you’re going to have to build a bridge or backtrack to find a different way, but all of that is progress and momentum. Remember, it doesn’t matter how twisty or obscured your road gets because you have a compass to guide you through.

T — Thoughtfulness

The last thing you want when looking at a map is to find it cluttered with too many possible routes, icons, or pitstops. You want a clear guide so you can spot trouble spots and plan accordingly without getting distracted. That requires mental clarity and focus.

Thoughtfulness is another way to think about mindfulness. And mindfulness is the practice of being present and in the moment, without letting your thoughts run the show. Your brain has an average of 60,000 thoughts per day. That’s a lot of noise that can take you off task, raise doubt, trigger anxiety, and have you running around trying to accomplish task after task after task.

The difference between letting your thoughts drive your actions is that you end up being busy, but not productive. And only one of those leads to momentum in achieving your goals. Take time to practice clearing those unnecessary, and often unwanted, thoughts every day. Make sure you’re writing your goal down every day with focused action steps that you want to achieve every day. When you find yourself drifting off task or overwhelmed with busy-work, spend a few minutes clearing the noise in your head to find peace and clarity. This will help you follow your compass down your true path forward.

H — Habits

When it comes to goals, habits create consistency. And consistency is your superpower. There are a lot of ways you can create habits, but one of the most effective is to make them tiny and celebrate those small wins. This is the strategy presented in our latest book club book, Tiny Habits by Dr. B.J. Fogg.

If your goal is to run a marathon, your tiny habit would be putting on your running shoes. Every time you do that, you celebrate, which makes you feel successful. A marathon—and any goal, for that matter—is hard. To do the hard things, feeling good is not just important, it’s essential. It might not seem like just putting on your running shoes creates the daily habit of running, but when you do that, you set yourself up for success and are more likely to take a step outside of your home, leading to another and another.

This tiny action also helps cement the importance of running daily, even on the days you don’t feel good or can’t actually run. You never lose track of your goal because you engage in one small step every single day. It keeps it front of mind, helps you feel good (celebration) every time you think about your goal, and prompts you to continue engaging in that habit day after day.

Good habits keep your map open and your compass primed, ensuring that your journey is always a priority in your mind. Not only does that help you take steps every day to achieve your goal, but it makes your goal not just something you’re working towards, but something you are.

Conclusion

Remember, you have the power to shape your destiny, and science has your back. Follow these steps to keep your compass in your pocket to ensure you are constantly and consistently aligned with your true North. Your goals are within reach, and you’ve got what it takes to reach them. Keep feeding your mind with knowledge, embracing challenges, and building positive habits, and success will become your reality. 

To learn more about how to start tiny when it comes to habits, watch this video:

At this point in the goal-setting process, you’ve found your why and made your steps SMART. Your why is laying your foundation and the SMART steps are the fundamental tactics that you’re going to take. So far, this has been more of a nuts-and-bolts approach to setting a goal. And even though asking yourself why you want to achieve your goal is tapping into your purpose, this last step really goes deep into making sure you tap into that core feeling for sustained motivation. Essentially, you’re finding the HEART of your goal. Tactics are important, but to succeed, your goals need HEART.

H — Healthy

One of the most important elements when planning any goal is making sure it encompasses all aspects of your health and well-being. That means looking out for yourself in the long-term. Some of this should have come to light when you were doing your SMART goals. Particularly, when making sure your goal is realistic and time-based. This is the moment to double check and make sure that you have taken into account any physical, mental, or emotional obstacles that you need to include in your tactical steps.

There can be a tendency to only think about physical health, but not all goals have a physical element. And even if it does, there are other stressors to consider. You want to have goals that you have to work hard at and push yourself towards. But you don’t want to success to come at the expense of your health. As you’re creating your action steps be sure to take your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health into account.

E — Enduring

Finding your why is so important because it ensures that it’s strong enough to keep you inspired—even when it’s difficult. That’s why it’s considered laying the foundation for success. Another way to look at the E is through Emotion because this is the feeling your goal should create.

It might seem like finding the purpose of your goal within your why should be enough to sustain your motivation. And it’s a good start. But every goal, not matter what it encompasses, is going to be really difficult at some point. It’s going to make you question yourself, your commitment, and your capabilities. That’s completely normal. Tapping into a deeper emotional pull can help push you forward during these times. You want to not only understand your purpose, but attaching strong emotions to your goal helps you endure the hard times so you can make it to the end.

A — Alluring

Hopefully, every goal you create is alluring to you in some way. But it’s okay if they’re not. It’s normal to have less than glamorous goals, but luckily, that’s not what we mean here. When we say alluring goals, we’re talking about a level of irresistibility.

No matter what your focus is, reaching your goals will be hard. They will make you work. And while emotion is important in terms of motivation, you need to have something that excites you. Something that really makes you want to go after it. This helps pull you towards your goal, so make sure you find aspects to build inside your action steps and celebrations that are exciting, enticing, and engaging.

R — Relevant

This might seem like a no-brainer. Obviously your goal will always be relevant to your life in some way, but we want you to go a little deeper in this step. Wanting to learn how to speak Spanish just because you’ve always wanted to is a fine goal. But if you can make it relevant to your life in a way that truly impacts you, you’ll find it easier to tap into the purpose and emotion you might need to carry you all the way through.

Think about why you’re setting the goal and how it will improve your life when you achieve it. Feeling good about leveling up your skills is fantastic. Knowing you can plan a trip abroad at the end might be a little more motivating. Even if a trip isn’t in the card, perhaps knowing someone in your life who speaks Spanish that you can now communicate with can be the relevance.

You can think about challenges you want to overcome and how the goal will do that. Maybe it ties into your life purpose or a core value. It might be a bucket list item or turning a dream into a reality. The stronger you can connect your goal with something relevant and impactful to your life today, the more motivation you’ll discover as you pursue it.

T — Truth

The final aspect of giving your SMART goals HEART is truth. That means being honest with yourself—brutally honest. Who are you really setting this goal for? Is it your boss? Your spouse? Do you want to impress the neighbors or catch someone’s eye. It’s okay if it is, but being brutally honest with that truth will help you shape your goals in a far more realistic mindset.

When you aren’t honest with yourself, you can become lost in your goal. Those tough times that we’re trying to get ahead of can drag you down and keep you there. When you’re honest with yourself, you can reevaluate your goal and shape it to meet more of your true intentions which makes it much more likely that you’ll be able to succeed. Be true to yourself, and there’s nothing you can’t accomplish.

Conclusion

Setting goals is more than simply stating an outcome you want to work towards. When you take the time to analyze your motivations and plan your action steps, you can build bigger and better goals, where you’re far more likely to succeed. Making sure your goals start in the foundation of why, are SMART, and have HEART, makes them more than simple goals. It makes them part of your lifestyle, where you develop healthy habits that create more momentum as you strive to constantly and consistently improve, leading to a truly Limitless life.

If you want to learn more about how HEART helps your goals, watch this video:

After you’ve found the core why at the root of your goal, and have asked some questions to guide your roadmap, you need to come up with a plan. And when it comes to goal-setting, you want to make sure your goals are SMART.

As you know by now, we’re fond of acronyms here at Kwik Learning. They help you remember difficult and complicated concepts by breaking them down into short, digestible bites. As you think about the steps you need to build in order to achieve your goal, it’s helpful to keep each of these elements in mind. If you do, you’ll design a set of actions you can take that will help you succeed in your goals.

S — Specific

A good goal has a clear focus. You don’t just want a raise, you want a 3% raise. It’s important to keep your goals as specific as possible so that you keep them realistic. What does looking healthy actually mean? If you lose two pounds is your weight loss goal a success? Defining your exact goal helps make sure you are setting your sights on something that is actually achievable.

An easy way to test this step is to explain your goal to someone else. They should clearly understand what success looks like. Instead of telling your partner you want to get in shape, tell them you want to run a six-minute mile or complete a specific hike or routine. When you’re specific, they can’t tell you how great you already look or that you’re already in shape. It makes your goal easy for them to visualize and understand, which means it’s easier for you to do the same.

M — Measurable

It’s difficult to stay on track with a goal if you can’t measure it. In addition to being specific, you want to build in measurable steps. If you want to lose fifteen pounds, every ounce counts. It helps you see exactly what is working and what isn’t, and gives you tiny goals to celebrate.

Some of your goals might be more abstract, like getting a good end-of-year-review. You may not be able to say you were successful until the review happens. But there are probably very specific elements that go into that review. Maybe you need to be more responsive with emails, or close a certain number of sales calls. Those tasks are measurable. You can track the positive feedback you receive or keep a file of extra projects you’ve completed.

Every goal should have very clear objectives that you can track and measure. If it isn’t obvious, spend some time really thinking about each step that you need to take to be successful. This will ensure you stay focused and motivated on your goal no matter what obstacles come up along the way.

A — Actionable

Once you have a specific goal with measurable targets, you want to create your action steps. It might seem like that’s what you did when you made your goal measurable, but measuring your daily ounces lost isn’t actually an action step. What are you going to do every day to lose weight?

Maybe you will eat a certain amount of calories, drink a specific amount of water, and so specific exercises every day. For every action step you create, make sure you keep the first two elements in mind: are they specific and measurable. Even at this stage, saying walk every day is too vague to be effective, even if your overall goal is to lose five pounds.

This might feel like you’re creating smaller goals within your larger goal, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s how you can make progress and stay motivated at the same time. Each step should be realistic and achievable, and the more specific you can be not just on the action but how to measure success brings you closer to success.

R — Realistic

If you’ve gone through the above steps, you may have realized that your initial goal was just too big. That’s okay. You can still hold onto your stretch goals, or have a vision board filled with your big, audacious dreams. In fact, those are fantastic to strive towards. But in order to reach those giant goals, you have to break them down into smaller, more realistic goals. Remember, you eat an elephant one bite at a time.

You may one day dream of running a marathon, but if you have a hard time walking around the block, this goal is going to take time and smaller goals to reach. Same with wanting a raise. If your goal is 10% and your company has a 5% max, you’re only going to be frustrated and destined for failure.

Think about what a realistic goal is and work to achieve that in specific, measurable action steps. It’s good to push yourself, but building on success will actually lead to bigger success in the long-term. And you won’t get frustrated in the process.

T — Time-Based

While it’s true that over a long enough timeline, anything is achievable, that doesn’t work for sustaining motivation. If you want to keep progressing towards a goal, it’s important to create a time-line. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have long-term goals. You absolutely should. But understanding what a realistic timeline looks like will actually help you reach those goals.

Let’s say you want to reach a position of upper management in your company but you’re currently in an entry level position. As you go through the above steps, it’s going to be obvious that you won’t reach your goal in a year. Maybe not even five. But there’s a reason this is the last step. Because there are other goals within that gigantic goal that you can achieve in a year.

Building smaller goals with shorter timelines helps keep your reward system active and engaged, which is vital when it comes to successfully reaching your goals. It creates the daily habits you need to solidify that your goal requires, and helps constantly readjust your mindset to see success and progress instead of stagnation and failure.

Conclusion

When it comes to setting goals, the best approach is to make them SMART. When you break them down into manageable pieces that are specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time-based, you’re setting yourself up for success.

If you’re interested in how you can break down complicated goals—like your finances, watch this episode:

When it comes to your personal and professional life, you’ve probably heard the term goal-setting. You’re encouraged to set goals in your job, your finances, your health, even your hobbies. But successful goal-setting requires a very specific skillset.

If you ask people what the magic trick for reaching a goal is, you’ll probably hear motivation. And it’s true, when you’re properly motivated, you can achieve a lot. But motivation can be elusive, particularly when it comes to long-term goals. And not everything you want to accomplish can be tied to your passion or drive. So, how do you find it?

While motivation can hard to find, it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to tie it to a strong primal urge or require you to only pursue things that spark intense passionate reactions. Instead, you can find motivation in every goal you set by understanding how to set realistic expectations and relate them to your purpose.

So how do you find your purpose?

Effective goal-setting starts with setting up a plan of action that is relevant and specific. They also typically have reasonable timelines so you can measure your progress. And this process starts by asking the right questions. If you don’t ask the right questions while setting goals, you’ll end up failing to achieve them.

But before we get into the right questions, let’s start with the wrong one.

When you think of your goal, what do you picture? If you’re like most people, you probably envision the moment of success. Essentially, you focus on what things will look like after you achieve the goal. The problem is that instead of creating motivation that will endure, you are likely setting yourself up for failure, instead.

Consider the timeline. You may have a realistic timeline set, but the work itself may not be worth your time. Maybe you’re starting at the wrong point, or haven’t taken into account other time consuming obstacles that you will inevitably face. An idealized future is fun to think about, but it isn’t going to sustain you through a difficult struggle.

Thinking of success is important. It helps you keep the bigger picture in mind. But if you think through the process in a realistic and detailed manner, you will be able to assess your strengths, weaknesses, assets, and liabilities to form a solid path forward. And that, is the difference between failure and success.

So, what are the right questions?

1. How much will you regret not completing this goal?

Regret is called a rational emotion and is part of the decision-making process. It is processed in the part of the brain where rationalizing and executive functioning behaviors are regulated. The feeling of success is a positive emotion and imagining it gives you a dopamine high. While this ‘high’ is great for motivation, it fails to alert you of the loopholes, if any, in your plan.

Regret aversion is one of the best cognitive aids to decision-making, precisely because it prompts you to consider possible loopholes in your plan before you make the decision. It forces you to think about the possibility of failure, which prompts your brain to focus on problem-solving any pitfalls that could lead to failing. This will give you a realistic idea of how much work your goal will take and help prepare you for a long-term reality that is less idealized and more within your reach.

If the goal is something that you won’t regret failing, then maybe it should be dropped, or at least given less priority. Maybe success isn’t as clear as you imagined, or worth the time and energy you’re going to have to invest in order to succeed. You might find that picturing failure shows you other goals that are more worthwhile, or help you really identify why you want to pursue it.

2. Can you explain your goal to someone else?

A great way of rationalizing any idea is articulating it. Goals are often vague things and ideas that sound great in your mind, but often leave out important details. Explaining it to someone is a completely different thing.

Ideally, this person will also ask you questions. Be open to their attempts to poke holes in your plan. You might find that your goal is unrealistic given your skills. Anyone can learn how to play the piano, but if your goal is to become the next Beethoven immediately, you need a more realistic goal. Voicing your goal to someone else, along with your plan to achieve it will help you fine-tune and sharpen your goal to be more realistic.

When you keep your goal to yourself, you tend to stay within emotional thinking. But when you have to present your plan to someone else, your rational side kicks in. You might notice right away that you’re missing a step, or are starting at the wrong place. You might realize that you have to start smaller, or be more clear in the action steps you have laid out.

Even if you can’t find someone else to present your plan to, even thinking about how you would explain it will trigger the cause-and-effect questions in your brain. You can use this question to become your own impartial judge, and the more practiced you will become in how to find any faults or weaknesses in your plan. The more questions you can think of, the sharper your goal will become, making success a much higher probability.

If you find yourself struggling with this, you may need to take a step back and reevaluate why you want to set this goal and look at ways to make each step more realistic.

3. Does this goal interfere with your other goals?

Everyone has a multitude of goals in their lives, and you’re no different. Some things may not seem like goals. For example, you may not think getting a raise as a goal, or doing the dishes every night. But these are behaviors you want to either reach or maintain. And those are goals.

Before you start any new goals, you need to sit down and really think about what goals you currently have. If exercising more is your goal but recovering from knee surgery is your current focus, those goals may be in conflict. You’ll have to be very specific in your definition of exercise and make sure it’s within your physical capabilities.

It might be hard for you to launch a new business while also trying to get a promotion at your current job. Both of those goals require you to be focused, work extra hours, and go above and beyond. If you also have a family or other obligations, you may simply be biting off more than you can chew.

You don’t always have to give one up. But you will have to adjust your time commitments and progress expectations. If you’re not careful and don’t plan accordingly, you risk failing at not just one, but both goals.

Before you commit to any new goal, always do a deep dive on your current goals and make sure are being very honest about your existing priorities. Take a realistic approach and adjust your plan of action to one that is specific and achievable.

4. How much you can sacrifice for this goal?

Going after most goals will likely cost you something. Some might demand that you change your lifestyle. You might need to start new habits or stop old ones. And while they all won’t require money, they will demand part of your time, focus, and mental—sometimes physical—energy. Basically, going after your goals will create some amount of pain. And you need to be very honest about how much discomfort you can realistically endure to succeed.

Let’s take the examples from above. If your physical knee pain is elevated when you add exercise to your routine, you may not be willing to do those exercises as frequently as necessary to see progress. The progress may not be worth the added discomfort.

When it comes to weighing your promotion with launching a side business, the main obstacles are going to be time and focus, though financial cost may also play a vital role in this calculation as well. You’re going to have to give every second of your free time to both projects, even on a lengthened timeline. You might have to give up exercise, social time, and even sleep.

This is the point where you might realize that reaching your goal is either going to take too much from you, leading to failure. Or, they may not end up being worth the cost even if you succeed. In order to reach your goal, you need to find a safe middle ground of sacrifices so that the change required doesn’t threaten to end in burnout or jeopardize your existing goals.

The Power Of Why

The point of asking these questions isn’t only to create a solid action plan. They’re also designed to tap into your purpose.

Purpose can be an elusive concept. You might want to lose weight, but what is your underlying purpose? Being healthy is a good start, but wanting to be in good health so you can walk your daughter down the aisle is tapping into a deeper purpose.

The easiest way to discover your purpose is to ask why. Why must you do this? Why is this goal important? Why do I want to achieve this?

You can come up with all kinds of reasons to achieve a goal. The what, where, who, when, and how are all tactical pieces of our goal-setting plan. But the heart of any goal is in the why. Answering this question has to be more than, “because I have to”. There’s all kinds of goals you have to do, but getting a good grade or losing weight is rarely the actual why. It could be that getting a good grade means you have a better chance to getting into the University of your dreams, which means you can get a job you’re passionate about. Losing weight is likely less about the number and more about something deeper like your health or your confidence.

You’ll know when you found the purpose of your goal when you have more than logic attached to it. The purpose, the real why that will drive you to success, will evoke an emotional reaction deep within you. Purpose is meaning, and meaning is heart.

Conclusion

Goal-setting can be an extremely effective tool in building motivation and momentum in the things you want to achieve in life. But it can only be effective if the goal is a right fit for your life. Asking these questions and tapping into your deeper purpose can help you design a roadmap to success in any goal you aim for.

If you want to learn more about setting up goals aimed at success, watch this video: