How do you become more confident?
Confidence is something we talk about a lot in the Kwik Brain community. We know confidence is the cornerstone of learning, leadership, and life. But it can be easy to feel like everyone around you has far more confidence and is surer of themselves than you feel. The truth is, they probably have as many doubts as you do.
I’m excited to have this conversation with empowerment coach and personal brand expert, Sandy Grigsby. She helps people discover their potential and unlock their inner confidence.
If you’ve ever struggled with finding your confidence and want to know the secret of how to become more confident, this episode is for you.
Confidence Can Be Built
- Everyone starts confident as children, and then life gets in the way.
- Confidence isn’t something someone has or doesn’t have.
- Just like memory or creativity, confidence is something you can build.
- The first step is simply being aware.
- Confidence can be different for everyone.
- Maybe you have the confidence to ask for a raise but aren’t confident in a relationship. Or vice versa.
- Most people aren’t even aware that they lack confidence.
- They assume it’s something else.
- But if you’re aware that your confidence is taking a hit, or you’re not doing something because you don’t trust yourself, you can find the moments you lack confidence.
- Once you’re aware of these moments and circumstances, you can start making the changes you need to create the life you want.
- Awareness is the starting point for any type of change you want to make.
- But you have to have the awareness.
- Without awareness of what your current situation is, you won’t be able to make the change or transformation.
Track The Moments
- Once you’re aware, you’re one step closer to taking control of your life.
- Awareness makes you notice when those moments happen, but you need to do more than just notice them to build your confidence.
- Make a note of every time you feel your confidence drop, or when you lose trust in yourself.
- As you track these moments, you can see if there’s a pattern.
- This helps you figure out where this lack of confidence is coming from.
- Maybe you’re not confident getting into or leaving a relationship.
- As you note the moments your confidence takes a hit, you can start to see how you can work on your confidence in those specific moments.
- Maybe it’s speaking up for yourself or reaching out to a friend for help.
- As you start to figure out when you feel low, you can make a plan to take a different action in those moments.
- When you start tracking your moments, you’ll see a pattern.
- Patterns are habits. And habits can be changed.
- Once you start to construct new rules, you can make new habits.
Get To Know Yourself
- Confidence shows up differently for everyone.
- You might be a quietly confident person. Or you might be bubbly and outgoing.
- There’s no right or wrong way to be confident.
- There are so many ways to be confident because all it really means is that you trust in yourself.
- In order to trust yourself, first you have to know yourself.
- A lot of this confidence building process is helping you get to know who you are now.
- You start with awareness, tracking your patterns, and identifying when you feel doubt or don’t feel that inherent trust in yourself.
- That’s one piece of getting to know yourself.
- One of the most valuable tools to really learn who you are, is to go back to when you were a child.
- Thank about when you were very young, before anyone taught you how to be a certain way.
- This is usually around three or four years old.
- How were you at that age?
- Were you exploring, learning, having fun, curious, eager?
- When you were young, you trusted yourself because you didn’t know any other way.
- Take who you were as that young child and think of how you are in relation to those characteristics or traits today.
- Jim remembers being playful, curious, energized.
- He struggled after his brain injury but was able to regain confidence by building his competence.
- The more competent you get, the more confident you get.
- This is the confidence-competence loop.
- When you are competent, you trust your abilities and skills.
- This helps move you back to that confident state of when you were young.
Build Your Unique Confidence
- When you start heading back towards who you were as a child, you can actually reclaim who you are.
- Merge who you are and who you were to define who you want to be now.
- Most often, the purest, most awesome version of who you are now is who you were as a child.
- Once you know who that is, it’s easier to move forward in that direction. And this builds your confidence even more.
- It you’re curious and having fun, think of all the amazing things you can do.
- You ask better questions, you form better relationships, you build deeper connections, you become more alluring to your audience.
- When you see yourself and trust in yourself, that person is the very best version of you to present to the world.
- It’s so common to present the version of yourself that has been changed by circumstances and life.
- That is not the purest, most awesome version of you though.
- Sandy struggled with depression and low self-worth.
- She found herself saying things like “I can’t”, or “Why don’t I have”.
- This is so negative and ends up making you feel trapped.
- If you let circumstances and life diminish yourself, your confidence will go down and you’ll suffer as a result.
- It’s important to also be aware of your external environment.
- Do you have people in your life that make you feel less, or take your energy?
- You create your own reality.
- If you’re in an environment where someone speaks negatively towards you, makes you feel horrible, you’re actually doing that to yourself.
- Nothing anyone says can affect you unless you allow them to.
- Only you can affect you.
- You have to censor who you let in your life and how much time you spend around them.
- This doesn’t mean cutting off your friends and family, but you can limit your time with negative and unproductive people.
- You also need to reset how you listen to these people.
- Just because they say something, doesn’t mean they are right.
- It’s possible to be lovely and kind to everyone in your life without overly exposing yourself to them.
- Remember: Know yourself, trust yourself, be yourself.
- Be sure to check out the unedited, extended episode on YouTube, here.
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