How to Become More Confident with Sandy Grigsby

Confidence Can Be Built

• Everyone starts confident as children, and then life gets in the way.
• Confidence isn’t something someone has or doesn’t have.
• Just like memory or creativity, confidence is something you can build.
• The first step is simply being aware.
• Confidence can be different for everyone.
• Maybe you have the confidence to ask for a raise but aren’t confident in a relationship. Or vice versa.
• Most people aren’t even aware that they lack confidence.
• They assume it’s something else.
• But if you’re aware that your confidence is taking a hit, or you’re not doing something because you don’t trust yourself, you can find the moments you lack confidence.
• Once you’re aware of these moments and circumstances, you can start making the changes you need to create the life you want.
• Awareness is the starting point for any type of change you want to make.
• But you have to have the awareness.
• Without awareness of what your current situation is, you won’t be able to make the change or transformation.

Track The Moments

• Once you’re aware, you’re one step closer to taking control of your life.
• Awareness makes you notice when those moments happen, but you need to do more than just notice them to build your confidence.
• Make a note of every time you feel your confidence drop, or when you lose trust in yourself.
• As you track these moments, you can see if there’s a pattern.
• This helps you figure out where this lack of confidence is coming from.
• Maybe you’re not confident getting into or leaving a relationship.
• As you note the moments your confidence takes a hit, you can start to see how you can work on your confidence in those specific moments.
• Maybe it’s speaking up for yourself or reaching out to a friend for help.
• As you start to figure out when you feel low, you can make a plan to take a different action in those moments.
• When you start tracking your moments, you’ll see a pattern.
• Patterns are habits. And habits can be changed.
• Once you start to construct new rules, you can make new habits.

Get To Know Yourself

• Confidence shows up differently for everyone.
• You might be a quietly confident person. Or you might be bubbly and outgoing.
• There’s no right or wrong way to be confident.
• There are so many ways to be confident because all it really means is that you trust in yourself.
• In order to trust yourself, first you have to know yourself.
• A lot of this confidence building process is helping you get to know who you are now.
• You start with awareness, tracking your patterns, and identifying when you feel doubt or don’t feel that inherent trust in yourself.
• That’s one piece of getting to know yourself.
• One of the most valuable tools to really learn who you are, is to go back to when you were a child.
• Thank about when you were very young, before anyone taught you how to be a certain way.
• This is usually around three or four years old.
• How were you at that age?
• Were you exploring, learning, having fun, curious, eager?
• When you were young, you trusted yourself because you didn’t know any other way.
• Take who you were as that young child and think of how you are in relation to those characteristics or traits today.
• Jim remembers being playful, curious, energized.
• He struggled after his brain injury but was able to regain confidence by building his competence.
• The more competent you get, the more confident you get.
• This is the confidence-competence loop.
• When you are competent, you trust your abilities and skills.
• This helps move you back to that confident state of when you were young.

Build Your Unique Confidence

• When you start heading back towards who you were as a child, you can actually reclaim who you are.
• Merge who you are and who you were to define who you want to be now.
• Most often, the purest, most awesome version of who you are now is who you were as a child.
• Once you know who that is, it’s easier to move forward in that direction. And this builds your confidence even more.
• It you’re curious and having fun, think of all the amazing things you can do.
• You ask better questions, you form better relationships, you build deeper connections, you become more alluring to your audience.
• When you see yourself and trust in yourself, that person is the very best version of you to present to the world.
• It’s so common to present the version of yourself that has been changed by circumstances and life.
• That is not the purest, most awesome version of you though.
• Sandy struggled with depression and low self-worth.
• She found herself saying things like “I can’t”, or “Why don’t I have”.
• This is so negative and ends up making you feel trapped.
• If you let circumstances and life diminish yourself, your confidence will go down and you’ll suffer as a result.
• It’s important to also be aware of your external environment.
• Do you have people in your life that make you feel less, or take your energy?
• You create your own reality.
• If you’re in an environment where someone speaks negatively towards you, makes you feel horrible, you’re actually doing that to yourself.
• Nothing anyone says can affect you unless you allow them to.
• Only you can affect you.
• You have to censor who you let in your life and how much time you spend around them.
• This doesn’t mean cutting off your friends and family, but you can limit your time with negative and unproductive people.
• You also need to reset how you listen to these people.
• Just because they say something, doesn’t mean they are right.
• It’s possible to be lovely and kind to everyone in your life without overly exposing yourself to them.
• Remember: Know yourself, trust yourself, be yourself.
• Be sure to check out the unedited, extended episode on YouTube, here.

Share With Us

• Take a screenshot of this episode, tag us on social media (@sandyinfocus & @JimKwik), and share one way you’re going to work on building your confidence.
• For more information, visit Sandy on her website, www.sandyinfocus.com.
• Be sure to take her confidence quiz to learn how confident you are: www.confidencejam.com/quiz.